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Ready to Launch


The sound reminds me of where I am heading.


Oh god, it’s getting closer.

I’m not watching a scene from a horror movie or reading one of those chapters in a novel where you know the shit’s about to hit the fan. I can’t turn off the television or close the book to quell the fear. No. It’s getting closer and the only thing to do is to prepare, strap in, prepare, deep breath, prepare, and ride the ride.

Enjoying the ride is the ultimate goal, I’m told. I try to remember that as I gulp the bile back to its proper job dissolving my meals … not pushing them up my throat like surfers on the perfect wave.


My debut novel is creeping ever closer to its publication date.

Am I happy?

Of course!

Am I thrilled?


Am I excited?

How could I not be?! I have been dreaming of this since I was a child scribbling sagas of orphaned children and anthropomorphic animals into wide-ruled, spiral notebooks.

Am I terrified?

Hell yes, I am!


It’s the sound of anti-rollback dogs bumping against the metal chain lift that’s slowly but surely bringing this roller coaster up to the top of the track toward its imminent release. A sound as real to me as any other, but a sound limited to this audience of one.


Let’s go back a couple years or so. Back before the clacks, so to speak. And, let’s stick with the roller coaster metaphor. How did I board this particular coaster? Let’s go back to the moment when I realized that I had a novel brewing inside, a horror novel of all things. And, began to write. The moment I noticed the line to the ride.

When I finally sat down and wrote the end, I’ll count that as the moment I stepped into the line for the roller coaster. Why not the moment my quirky dog, Dante, suddenly developed a fear of storm sewers and almost yanked my arm off, sparking the idea? Because I have had plenty of ideas. I have even written a few (A LOT) of them down; developed them into short stories; started fleshing them out. Only to abandon them when the next idea came along. Or to get so bogged down with all the tasks of everyday life and the fear of failure that I let the wave wash over me and carry it away.

If you are a writer, you surely know of which wave I speak. It is a million feet tall, immensely intimidating, and full of words and phrases specifically tailored by your mind to kill a project. A huge mass of you can’t do this, this idea sucks, you are not good enough, you’ll never get published, you’ll never finish, nobody will like your idea.

No need to get upset with your mind. It thinks it is protecting you. It knows the obstacles, the difficulties that lie ahead. And, it knows there could be success, but there could also be devastating heartbreak. So, it tries to wash you back into the safe zone. The place where everything is clear and boring, without risk of disappointment.

Anyhow, once I decided to dive through that wave and came out the other side half-drowned with a completed manuscript, that is when I got in line. And, began submitting and submitting and submitting again, slowly creeping up the line. Until, about a month later, I started getting some interest, started receiving requests for the entire manuscript. I eased my way forward until I found a home for my novel … and hopped onto the coaster.

Those of you who know me, already know that my appreciation for roller coasters came later in life. At a point when life had chewed me up and spit me out and seemed ready to take another go at it. Before this point, you could not have dragged me onto a coaster with a team of draft horses. But, in this state of frustration and exhaustion, My Sun convinced me to go on The Hulk coaster. And, once I experienced the feeling of total release that came from flying through the air and screaming as loud as my lungs would allow without causing concern in others, I was sold.


There it is again and I am at the point where I can see the top. At the point where there are still things I need to do and things that need to be done: promotion, edits, promotion, cover, promotion. Things that I’m not great at. Things that I am new at. Things that I am learning on the fly.


Another inch forward, another change. I have an author page on Facebook. I have found communities of writers and readers. They have welcomed me.


And, now I have a new webpage, (a big thank you to my web guy and husband). A new home for the blog that I have used to scratch my writing itch for years now, A new space to fill with the books and stories I write. A new format to learn.


And, in the meantime, I have boarded a second coaster with my second completed novel.

Clack Clack

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