A scene from a movie I watched years ago came to mind the other day. I didn’t even particularly like the movie, per say, but the scene had apparently been snaking around in my brain tissue just waiting for its moment to strike.
The movie was Cell, the one based on the Stephen King novel of the same title. The one starring John Cusack (which may have been one of the reasons I watched it, as it was not one of my favorite King books either). The scene that has been waiting to ambush me and poke at my emotions was at the beginning of the flick. Cusack’s character has finally made it. He has done what he set out to do. He lands a huge graphic novel deal with a publisher. HIS DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE. And … the whole world goes to shit. The guy doesn’t even get a full five minutes to celebrate before the world goes to hell in a hand basket.
Wicked House Publishing published my debut novel, A Whisper in the Dark, a few months back, just short of my 54th birthday. It has been a dream come true. I waited for so long, let life get in the way. The kids, health issues, moves, termites (don’t ask)… It all seemed insurmountable, until it wasn’t and the flood gates opened. I have another novel coming out soon and have already sold a third. I have stories bursting out into the world in anthologies alongside authors of immense talent. (Watch for my story, “Web of Truths” coming out in Broken Brain Books’ Screams from the Dark Ages on International Women’s Day).
Of course I am celebrating my new-found success, but with the surrounding circumstances as they are at present, I cannot help but feel conflicted. Before you chastise me … I know that people’s brains are not exploding and they are not completely losing it and trying to maul and eat each other like in the movie. But, you do not have to have any particular political leaning to notice the conflict and desperation of the hour…
I mostly write horror, but that does not mean I want actual horror going on around me. I much prefer it be confined to the page, thank you very much. That said, my own experience has been that when anxiety builds on the outside, it can stifle creativity on the inside. When that begins to happen, I have to find ways to clear my mind in order to be able to write at all. I walk my faithful pup, Dante, along the gulch trails in my town. I play with the cats. I try to just sit and look at the mountains for a bit. Lately, that has not been enough.
In my quest for some kind of mind-settling means to focus, I have picked up a new hobby: crocheting. Let me just start by saying that when you pick up a new hobby that involves learning a previously unknown skill, it is NOT RELAXING AT ALL in the beginning. I went through a couple days of cursing, lip biting, and stomping away (you want me to loop what, where????!!!!) on my journey to learning to crochet. But, with a couple books, some videos, and the supplies I found from some time in the past when I was apparently thinking about learning (no memory of that!), I was on my way.
I am the type of person who has the tendency to want to take-off with any new skill and do more and more and more. So, I had a bit of an issue on my hands once I learned to crochet. I wanted to make EVERYTHING, try EVERY pattern. But, that is not the reason I picked up the skill. I started crocheting as a way to refocus. To spend an hour or so just creating something in order to reset my mind, to get the creative juices flowing … without completely funneling those juices into something other than writing. My solution? I picked one pattern I love and that I can complete in a short amount of time. I limit myself to one a day, then packed up my hooks and hit the keyboard.
What is it that I am crocheting?
Krakens! A Kraken a day keeps the … juices flowing. I still have to go to the doctor occasionally. A Kraken a day, renders a small legendary sea creature completely of my creation, who can then sit at the table and watch me write … with all his or her little buddies. A Kraken a day makes an army of Krakens I can take with me to conferences and gift to the wonderful people I meet there. A Kraken a day helps to ease my self-doubt and imposter syndrome.
Maybe Krakens are not your thing.
Maybe crocheting is not your thing.
Find your thing. Something that both clears your mind and brings you a dose of joy that is yours and your alone. Find it and let your creative juices flow!
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